True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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