I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...