I wish I could punch you in the face.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!