im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out