oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"