Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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