on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
