We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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