I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
