Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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