The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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