What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
