i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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