Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
