you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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