spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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