My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
