Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
