Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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