In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
