Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
