the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
