ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize