You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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