you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
