I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
