The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
