i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
