he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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