she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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