thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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