I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
