omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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