There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
