Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
