so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
