I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
