did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
