Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's shark week go big or go home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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