How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
