last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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