Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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