I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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