Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize