Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
People in love make me want to vomit
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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