I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
