why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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