Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
