we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
