You're so nebulous sometimes
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
