i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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