So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
