Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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