i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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