You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
