Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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