I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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