my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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