I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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