i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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