what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
