Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
