YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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