I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
