I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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