I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
