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just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
