Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
