I think i peed on brittanys purse
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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