Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i drank out of a bidet.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
