So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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