So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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