well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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