I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
