She announced her abortion via fbk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
