Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
