I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
