if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
