She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My life is pants optional.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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