I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
