you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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