guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
