wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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