I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
