we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
